First day without you

Today is the first day I am staying single with zero hope to stay on with him, cried the whole night yesterday, cried the whole morning today, how did I feel now? Is it feeling better? Heart is still painful, mind is still thinking of him, emotion is still sad. Last night I did something that I never thought of that, I did something crazy, I was mad, and I lost, I lost myself just for holding this relationship, I wished I can hold this, I wished I can hug him again, I wished to hear he still loves me. I am still very sad, but my rational told me that I have to wake up, my dear friend asked me to wake up, everyone told me it was just a dream, and I have to pull myself out from the dream, it's time to wake up and goes on with my life. I am really not willing to wake up, I wan to continue with this dream, this is a sweet dream for me, no matter what happened, no matter what I need to sacrify, I just wan to stay on. But, my dear friend is right, and I asked myself, are you willing to sacrify and change yourself to suit to this relationship in future without any complaint and suffered. I know myself, the answer is no, I have been asking myself so many times, do i really love him, or just because of I am not willing to lose him, or just because of I am scared of loneliness. I can't find the answer, and it doesn't matter what is the answer now, coz he had made the decision, and he had choosen his life, it's time for me to let go him, it's time for me to think of my life, it's time for me to wake up and continue with my life...